27 Nursing Quotes & Jokes That Veteran Nurses Totally Understand

27 Nursing Quotes & Jokes That Veteran Nurses Totally Understand
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See Also: 26 Funny Jokes You'll Understand if You're A Nurse!

1. “A new nurse comes in with the perfect hair and makeup. An old nurse comes in and is just glad to be there.”

2. “A new nurse doesn’t want the patient to fall because she doesn’t want him to get hurt. And old nurse doesn’t want the patient to fall because she hates paperwork.”

3. “A new nurse gets scared when a doctor yells. An old nurse yells back.”

4. “A new nurse is excited to sign everything. An old nurse tries not to sign anything.”

5. “A new nurse tries so hard to please the patient’s family members. An old nurse tries so hard to avoid them.”

6. “A new nurse worries that the patient might die. An old nurse knows that there are worse things than dying.”

7. “A new nurse writes notes on a pad. An old nurse writes on a napkin, at the back of their hand, or even on their forearm.”

8. “Dear god please let me have all skinny patients tomorrow. Amen”

9. “Did you want to talk to the Doctor in charge or the nurse who knows what’s going on?”

10. “Hit your call light again and see what happens.”

11. “How is it that waitresses refill drinks and get tipped 15%, but I clean up poop, scrub feet, wash hair, provide medicine and keep people alive and still get yelled at?”

12. “How many nurses does it take to screw a light bulb? None-Its delegated to the nursing students.”

13. “I’m a nurse. I’m here to save your butt, not kiss it.”

14. “I’m sorry, honey. Mommy is a nurse, so we only go to a doctor if we’re dying.”

15. “I’ve come to the realization that I’ll touch anything as long as I have gloves on.”

16. “If I collapse at work, here is the list of doctors I don’t want working on me.”

17. “Not all patients are annoying, some are unconscious.”

18. “Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors, nurse in charge and patients"

19. “Some people think that doctors and nurses can put scrambled eggs back in the shell.”

20. “Tried to go a whole day without talking about bowels. !FAILED!”

21. “Yes, I charted that I charted what I previously charted. Wait, hold on I have to chart that I told you about my charting.”

22. "If love can’t cure it, nurses can."

23. "Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors." ~Gerhard Kocher

24. "Nursing: Where else can you experience the thrill of having total strangers poop in front of you like it’s totally your business?”

25. "The only chance I got to sit down today was on toilet.”

26. "You know you are a nurse when you find yourself betting on someone’s blood alcohol content."

27. “Multiple traumas – A unit full of ventilators and patients trying to die on me all day…I’m sorry what were you saying about your busy day with the stapler?”

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See Also: 26 Funny Jokes You'll Understand if You're A Nurse!